Idiomville

Well, the coffeehouse has come and gone, and now it's time to settle down and read November's ninth-grade (and very belated) post!

Have you ever exaggerated? Ever said something that wasn't meant to be taken literally? Ever said idiom? Now normally we dismiss these ideas as just a phrase... but what if it was taken literally? What if when a cat had your tongue, it actually did. Well, welcome to Idiomville, were all your everyday idioms, become real.

 

Idiomville

The town looked quiet and old-timey as I parked in the five and dime parking lot. The population was a mere five hundred and the streets were bare. I slowly hopped out of the car and opened the diner door.

"Hello?"

From the back-room I could here harsh whispering. It sounded like a pretty intense argument. But when they heard my voice they quieted down and came out--with an axe. "Oh, um I'll...I'll come back later" I rushed to the door.

"No, no I just have an axe to grind with her," the old man said.

"Sorry?" I asked, opening the door.

"Oh, nevermind that! Come in and have a seat, what can I get for you?"

"I'll just have a cup of Joe."

The man's face contorted and suddenly he said, "Excuse me?! We don't serve cannibals here. You're going to have leave and take your sick ideas with you!"

I sat there dazed for a second--before realizing what he thought I meant. I then proceeded to explain to him that I called coffee "a cup of Joe". He slowly nodded his head and went to the back of the kitchen. I took a deep breath in.

Suddenly a hooded man entered the diner and sat in the booth behind me. The little old waitress scurried over with the coffee pot and leaned down to pour me a steaming cup. I smiled to her and she leaned in close. "Obviously you're a visitor to town, so listen to me and listen well. That man over there," she gestured to the hooded figure, "has quite a temper. Last week, in an intense argument, he lost his head."

She left it at that and waddled back to the kitchen. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't stand people who were so easily overtaken by emotion. I decided that I would ignore him--keep my distance as best as I could. Unfortunately, that wasn't very well. He stood up and came over to me. "Could I have some of that coffee?" he asked, rather politely.

"Sure," I said.

He leaned over to pour the coffee and when he stood back up his hood fell off. Suddenly I felt sick. I looked at him in total shock and disgust. Where he should have had a head, there was an empty void. I shot up from the table and ran to the door. But suddenly a teenage girl entered and threw her textbook across the floor. She then proceeded to kick it, punch it and slap it. I watched, in horror as she took her rage out on the thing. But most disturbing of all was the lack of response from the other townspeople. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. "Excuse me, miss? What exactly do you think your doing?"

She looked at me confused, "Um, I have a test tomorrow. So I thought that I had better hit the books."

I had seen enough. I walked right out of that diner. As I started walking towards my car a group of guys started to walk towards me. The "pack leader" called out to me as he got closer, "High five!"

I lifted my hand up as he pulled from his pocket a paper number five and held it above his head. I lowered my hand and smiled sheepishly.

"Woah, dude. Not cool--dissing me like that, so not cool." he sulked.

I didn't know what to do. The people in this town were insane. I sat down in the middle of the parking lot--maybe I was the one going crazy. I needed to take a break from the outside world. I sat in my own silence for no longer than one minute before I felt a tap on my shoulder. A little girl, maybe six years old, sat beside me.

"Keep an eye on that one," she whispered.

"Who? What?"

"Keep an eye on that boy who just gave you a high five. I certainly do," she said.

Nodding, I responded, "Oh, okay. Thank you."

I turned to look at the boy who I had just high fived. On his shoulder was something round, white and seemingly squishy. I looked closer and to my surprise I realized it was a human eye. When I turned to look at the little girl I noticed her left eye missing. I am positive I fainted right then and there.

By now, I was tired and confused. To make matters worse it started raining cats and dogs on me. Literally. A puddle of Dachsunds lay across the street and Siamese cats started filling the gutters. Poodles were showering down all around me and Calicos fell in heavy sheets around me. It was pouring. I stood up and unlocked my car. I wasn't wet, but furry. I saw an ASPCA truck travelling down the road. On my windshield a small paper fluttered in the wind. "GREAT DANE HURRICANE IS COMING... BE PREPARED!" I sighed, started my car and headed down the road.

You are now leaving Idiom-ville.

Population: 500

Hope to see you again!

As if.

by Rory R., Grade 9

artwork by Claudia E., Grade 9